


Thank God for PR Part One

by Cimorene105



Series: Thank God for PR (Different format) [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Aftercare, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety, BAMF Natasha Romanov, BDSM, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bondage, Boys Kissing, Bucky Barnes & Sam Wilson Friendship, Bucky goes to therapy, Bucky is thanked for his service, Bucky uses therapy, Consensual Name-Calling, Dom Drop, Fanboy Phil Coulson, Feels, Feminization, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Smut, Hufflepuff Bucky Barnes, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Champion Bucky Barnes, Kink Exploration, Lingerie, Love Confessions, M/M, Masturbation, Metal Arm Kink, Mirror Sex, Multiple Orgasms, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, No Refractory Period, Original Character(s), Overstimulation, PWP, Panic Attacks, Panties, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Power Play, Prostate Milking, Rimming, Role Reversal, Safe Sane and Consensual, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Self-Hatred, Sex Toys, Sign Language, Slapping, Slytherin Steve Rogers, Spanking, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers has a death wish, Steve Rogers' indecently jiggly tits, Steve is a little shit, Steve needs a vacation, Suicidal Thoughts, Switch Bucky Barnes, Therapy, Whipping, genderqueer Steve, like he deserves, so much feels, switch steve rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 19:34:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13325016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cimorene105/pseuds/Cimorene105
Summary: Steve and Bucky make some startling discoveries about each other on live TV. From there, it becomes a happy struggle to fit even more of each other into their daily lives.The series is now a two-part long work! Select "Entire Work" and copy+paste it into a text reader for hands-free entertainment.





	1. This is Gonna Be a Thing Now, Isn't It?

After the craziness of Civil War had died down, Bucky attended regular and varied therapy while Steve and Tony mostly communicated through a frustrated Pepper. Steve was miraculously persuaded to do some PR repair. Bucky agreed instantly, confiding in Pepper that he'd take whatever he was given. The first stop for the pair was an interview on live TV. They couldn't have possibly predicted how much shit would go down when they arrived.

After initial one-on-one interviews that felt more like gossip to the two, and which they assumed was just to get them comfortable in the new situation, both men sat down with the host. The count-down to live video began the session.

"Welcome back to the show, everyone. I'm your host, Chuck." It was clear from his gesticulating that the host was excited for the interview. "Man, oh, man, have I got a treat for you. Here with me, live in the studio, are none other than Captain Steve Rogers and Sergeant James 'Bucky' Barnes. These men are infamously known now by more popular titles, but I quite like the sound of 'Steve' and 'Bucky.' Would it be alright with you gentlemen to address you this way?"

After receiving the affirmative from both guests, the host transitioned into the interview.

"I have to say, it's amazing to have you here with me today. There are so many things I'd personally like to thank you both for, but I have even more questions. I think the viewers would get bored if I chose the first option for the show today, so I've prepared the top couple of questions I've always dreamed of asking you. Incidentally, this is directly taken from my middle school history paper." He paused for the live audience to laugh at the humor.

As the host opened his mouth to continue, Bucky spoke up.

"I have a preliminary question first, if you don't mind." The man's eyebrows were knit intimidatingly on his forehead.

"Not at all, Bucky. Ask away."

"Chuck, you said there's a lot to thank us for. I'm just a bit confused about why I'm included in that sentiment. You obviously know who I am, so...?" Bucky hesitated, wondering how to tactfully remind the viewers he was here to start atoning for his sins.

"I'm glad you asked that, Sergeant Barnes, because my first question is all for you. I promise we don't have to get too deep into this if it's a painful subject." Chuck paused to make sure the brunet was with him. It soon became apparent that the ex-Sergeant wasn't the one to seek approval from.

"How deep are we talking, here? You don't have any sensitive information, do you?" Steve had surged forward in his seat, the very picture of Captain America in street clothes. It was clear he would defend his friend from any threat, even if the other person was joking around. It reminded Bucky of the Steve that would pick a fight with every bully he crossed, regardless of his sickly, underweight demeanor.

"I don't have that kind of clearance, Steve. Anything I talk about today will be common knowledge to the public," the host was quick to pacify.

Bucky refrained from rolling his eyes at Steve. He reminded himself Steve had every right to be protective. Bucky had promised himself in therapy he'd remember that when things like this happened.

Once Steve had settled back down, Chuck continued, addressing Bucky again.

"Bucky, we've had a segment on this show recently, extolling the virtues and exploring the backgrounds of the Howling Commandos. We thought it fitting to start it with Steve and end it with you." So far, Bucky was with him. He'd watched all the segments and absorbed any information his brain hadn't yet filled in for him.

"As the audience will remember from my commentary, you've always been a hero to me, even more than Captain America or the other Commandos. You came from a background that some would call painfully average." Chuck paused for the laughter.

"Many people can identify with that. Today's examples might include broke college students." More laughter ensued.

"Then you made a name for yourself - before Steve joined you in the field. You were already the best and most decorated sniper in the 107th by the time you went across enemy lines and were first captured as a POW. So I'll say again, now that I have you here, thank you for your service to this country. You helped make it possible for us to get to this point." Chuck finally took a breath while the audience applauded.

Bucky wasn't sure how to respond. He didn't think he should be thanked for the origin of his current and only skill set.

"So now, my first question for you, Bucky: When you finally broke your programming as the Winter Soldier, you could have done a number of things. What was your plan in going to Romania and staying there peacefully until Captain Rogers found you?" The host leaned forward in his seat, an earnest and pleading look on his face.

"You want the truth?" came the soft response.

"Absolutely. The honest-to-God truth."

The air in the studio was tight with tension. Bucky could feel Steve's intense stare from his right and tried to ignore it. This was about coming clean.

Bucky took a deep breath, held it, and released it, as he'd learned in therapy. "The honest-to-God truth is that I was trying to hide long enough to remember who I was, to avoid being captured and wiped again, and to stay out of the news until I knew what I wanted to do."

He took another measured breath and let it out on a laugh. "We all know how well that turned out. I was doing just fine until this guy," Bucky jabbed a thumb at Steve, "turned up and brought a fight with him. 'Why was I not surprised,' might be your follow-up question."

Steve made an indignant sound. "Hey, no fair."

Bucky turned to the blond, a disbelieving smirk on his face. "'No fair,' huh, Steve? Are you sure about that? You are always bringing me into fights, one after a-fucking-nother. Who always drags your ass out of the fire in those fights, huh? And what happens when I'm not there to do it?"

Steve looked incredibly sheepish at this point.

"You throw yourself on a fucking grenade - yeah, I heard about that; don't think you'll get away with that shit around me - or you plant a plane in the ocean to give up on life. And what is it about jumping out of planes without a parachute that seems like a good idea? Huh, pal?" Bucky took a moment to calm down as Steve gave a tiny, "Sorry, Buck."

"Anyway, this got pretty far away from your original point, Chuck. Sorry about that. What's your next question?"

After some awkward laughter all around, the host moved on. He asked questions to bring the guests out of their shells, he asked about the Avengers and saving the world, and he asked about the Sokovia Accords. This gave Steve the opportunity to vent, also. He was finally able to give his moral reasons for disregarding the Accords, regardless of Bucky's involvement. It felt good to get it off his chest.

"My last question is actually one that I had a colleague ask you separately, earlier, before the show began. Let's take a peek. Bucky, we'll look at your footage first."

On the screen behind the men appeared the one-on-one conversation between Bucky and a female interviewer.

The interviewer and Bucky traded a few jokes before her expression turned apologetic.

"I have to ask you," she said, looking like she wished it wasn't her job to ask, "life-long friendship and all that; sacrificing your lives for each other, etcetera - are you two... You know - a thing?"

On-screen Bucky gave a bark of laughter as the Bucky in the studio groaned.

"I wish," on-screen Bucky said, betraying live Bucky.

Steve whipped around to face Bucky, who couldn't see this, as his face was buried in his hands.

"I mean, have you seen Steve Rogers? He may be a punk, but he's always been perfect. You know?" continued the condemning, recorded voice.

"Oh my god," Steve wheezed. Whenever he did something like that, it reminded Bucky of the asthma he used to have. He resisted the urge to say, "Breathe, Steve," but only just.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" Steve couldn't process this.

Bucky didn't dare look at his best friend. He didn't even look up when he heard the interviewer repeat her question.

The wistful sigh following it wasn't enough, either.

What really caught Bucky's attention was the voice of his best friend saying, "I wish. Have you met Bucky Barnes? He can be charming and sarcastic at the same time - it's a special talent of his. He's so kind and patient. Did you know, he'll still sit for hours to let me draw him?"

The video paused.

Bucky stared blankly up at the screen.

After a moment, without looking away from Steve's paused, bashful face, Bucky asked, "Can you rewind that? Is there a remote?"

Chuck laughed and handed a remote to the brunet.

Steve tried to say something, but Bucky didn't even look while shushing him with a finger to the lips.

"No talking during the dialogue, Steve."

Bucky rewound the footage. It was Steve's turn to bury his face in his hands while he heard himself repeat, "I wish. Have you met Bucky Barnes?" over and over.

After a while, the sound cut off.

Steve peeked between his fingers at Bucky. The man's arms were crossed, but his expression was impossible to fathom.

Chuck cleared his throat. Both men turned to look at him and the audience quieted from their fervor.

Chuck reached over to Bucky, who handed him the remote. Chuck held up a finger, pausing for dramatic effect. He pressed the play button and the two continued talking, one line from each cut together for their next statements.

Bucky started, "I can't believe it's been seventy years-"

"It doesn't seem like seventy years to me -" Steve reiterated.

"-and I'm still in love with my best friend," Bucky continued.

Steve interjected, "-but I'm still following him around like a lovesick puppy."

The two appeared together in a split-screen frame to finish simultaneously, "Pretty lame, right?"

Pandemonium erupted in the studio as the live audience gave their loud approval or disapproval. Bucky and Steve didn't register either response. They stared at each other like each had grown a second head.

Chuck quieted the audience and turned back to the dumbstruck guests to address the reason for adding the question.

"As soon as the shock of 'Oh my god, we get to host Steve and Bucky' wore off, we at the studio thought to ourselves, 'We have to ask. There's no way they don't realize they look like an old married couple.'" He turned back to the camera to say, "Just so you know, we'll be calling this episode 'Marriage Counseling for Super-Soldiers.'"

The audience laughed and the host looked back to the aforementioned Super-Soldiers. Neither had moved a muscle. Chuck cleared his throat. "So, thoughts, guys?"

Bucky spoke first, in fits and starts. "I can't believe - I can't fucking believe you, Steve."

At that, Steve's wondrous expression turned to shock. "Me? You can't believe me? I thought you were straight! All those double-dates you dragged me on? Come on, man!"

At this, Bucky doubled over in a burst of laughter. "It was the only way I could ask you on a date back then. And for the record, you went on every single one! I thought you were straight."

"Oh my god," Steve repeated, hiding his red face again. He flung his hands wide and shouted, "I only went because it was the closest I'd ever get to going on a date with you!"

The next minute was an uproar of voices from everyone present.

Ecstatic, Chuck turned to the camera and crowed triumphantly, "Just to make it crystal clear, Sergeant James Barnes and Captain Steve Rogers have just revealed to us and each other that they were, for all intents and purposes, going on regular dates together before they were drafted and - in Steve's case - finally accepted to fight in the war."

Chuck turned back to the two guests, who were shouting over each other to be heard.

"Drafted? You were drafted? You told me you signed up! Why would you lie like that?"

"I don't know - maybe to keep some punk from realizing I didn't fucking want anything to do with the war he was obsessed with? I didn't want to disappoint you, Steve!"

Chuck also shouted to be heard. "Hey, HEY. Guys!" The studio quieted. "Thank you. It's fascinating to get this insight into your lives from before the war. I do want to get us back on track, though. Speaking of your sexualities, which you mentioned earlier, maybe it would be better to get it on record what you both identify as. If you feel comfortable answering, would you please both tell us your sexuality?"

"I'm bisexual," Steve piped up immediately. "But for most of my life, I thought I was just Bucky-sexual." He giggled.

"Oh my god. Fucking- this is gonna be a thing now, isn't it? It's going to be a thing for you to embarrass me on television. It fucking is. Why do I put up with you?" Bucky pleaded his case to the heavens.

"Because you love me, apparently," Steve wheedled.

Bucky sighed. "I was right. This is going to be a thing," he muttered to himself. To the host, Bucky said, "While I respect Steve's identity and sexuality, I feel like naming my own will put me in a box. Why should I put myself in a box? I've had enough of being put in boxes." He paused for the unexpected applause.

A mischievous gleam appeared in Bucky's eye. "I can say with some conviction, though, that the one constant in my life has been my one true love; the light of my life-"

"Aw, Buck."

"-DumDum Dougan."

"Buck!"

"I gotta get back at you somehow, Steve! Cos this is gonna be a thing; I just know it." Bucky poked Steve hard in the chest. "We're gonna go on other TV shows where they'll ask us about each other and you'll embarrass me every time. I'm taking my victories where I can."

With the raucous laughter of the audience in the background, Chuck thanked the two for coming in and being so open. "That's all we have for you today, folks! Maybe we'll have them back again sometime. For now, tune in same time, same channel for more of the show. I'm your host Chuck, signing off. Thank you for watching!"

Pepper turned off the TV and turned to the frozen man on the couch next to her. "Remind me not to let them do any more shows together, Tony."

"Yes, dear."


	2. Go Commando

Steve and Bucky finally got into the privacy of the elevator, where they could move toward each other in a kiss decades in the making. They each savored the feeling of lips they'd only ever fantasized about. Hands traveled over clothes to bring the other closer and explore new terrain.

Bucky shouldn't have been surprised when he felt Steve's tongue demanding more. The guy always went after what he wanted without shame when he knew he'd get it.

The two stumbled into their apartment at Stark tower, where Pepper had insisted they room for safety. They were already drunk on each other and so far they'd only exchanged a few hasty kisses.

"You know, Buck, it's pretty lame that you're still in love with your best friend after all this time."

"You been following me around like a lovesick puppy, huh punk?" Bucky shot back.

After slamming the door, they careened into the wall. Bucky spotted a small table and lifted Steve onto it.

Steve wasn't about to let him have the last word. He grabbed the other man by the hips and yanked him closer. "I'm a punk, but I've always been perfect, right Buck?"

Bucky leaned into Steve's space and chuckled darkly into his ear, "You think being charming and sarcastic at the same time is a talent? Want to see what other special talents I have?" It was time to turn on said charm for the one person Bucky had believed would never want to hear it.

"It's all I've wanted for seventy years."

"Damn, Rogers. I can't believe you held out on me for seventy years." They giggled at the sheer absurdity that was their life. Bucky caved and kissed Steve again. He'd never get enough of that.

"Man, can you imagine what it would have been like if we'd had sex before the war?" Steve wondered between kisses.

"I would have been terrified of accidentally killing you. Actually, that still hasn't changed."

It took Steve a moment to realize Bucky responded. He'd gotten lost in licking the long, smooth line of Bucky's throat. "Come on Buck, you didn't kill me even accidentally when we were fighting. And you know fighting is different than making love anyway."

"Is that what you want, Stevie? Want me to make love to you?"

"Can't a fella have rough love? Is both too much to ask for?"

"Anything for you, Stevie." Bucky paused. "I'm gonna regret saying that, aren't I?"

"Probably."

It was at that moment the console table decided to revolt. It collapsed under Steve when Bucky made to lean in for another kiss.

"Shit, we're gonna break the apartment," Steve groaned from the floor.

"We gotta figure out somewhere else to do this," Bucky decided.

"Ugh, it'll ruin the mood, Buck..."

"Steve, how long have we waited for this?" Bucky put his hands on his hips.

"Seventy years..."

"I really don't think waiting a little longer will have any effect on how much we want each other."

"Nope, it's now or never, Buck. Take it or leave it."

"Punk."

"Jerk."

Bucky pulled out his phone as he wandered into his room for necessary supplies. Serum or not, neither of them would come out of this with unnecessary injuries if Bucky had anything to say about it.

 _To Tony Stank:_ Where can I have rough sex (throwing Steve through walls, etc) where I won't incur a literal ton of property damage

 _From Tony Stank:_ Are you looking to have sex or have a fight?? The gym is always open for sparring, but under no circumstances are you to have sex in the gym

 _To Tony Stank:_ The gym it is then

 _From Tony Stank:_ I SAID NO SEX IN THE GYM

 _To Tony Stank:_ I'm trying to be nice. Steve's getting impatient. You're not giving me many options. Should I wreck the apartment or scandalize whoever is in the gym. Steve seems like an exhibitionist, so that might be fun.

 _From Tony Stank:_ *exasperated sigh* I'll just have JARVIS lock the gym. Have fun, grandpas.

The triumphant winner pocketed his phone.

Steve looked up when Bucky offered him a hand and was momentarily blinded by the roguish grin he'd only dreamed of seeing aimed at him all through his teenage years.

The next few minutes were a race to see who could get to the gym first while bestowing the most kisses. It was close enough to a tie that Steve didn't even try to argue about who won.

"So, what do you think, Steve? Mood ruined? Never want to have sex with me again?" Bucky asked as he pulled off his shirt.

"Damn, Buck. You've always looked good, but I definitely want that on top of me."

Neither of the men noticed an amused Natasha snapchatting in the background.

"When your ex gets his memory back and moves in on his childhood friend-" she narrated.

"-I definitely want that on top of me," Natasha's phone echoed.

She smirked on her way out the door. "Lock em in, JARVIS."

_"Don't you mean to say, 'Lock everyone else out,' Miss Romanoff?"_

"Nope." Nat grinned at Bruce, who rolled his eyes.

"Guess I can work out later."

***

"You want me on top of you, Stevie? Want me to hold you down, too?"

"Fuck, yes."

Bucky stepped close, cupping Steve's face in his hands. "You really are perfect. You would have wanted it that way back then, too, wouldn't you?"

Steve grinned. "Oh, don't worry, Buck; you'll get yours, later. Even back then, I wanted it both ways."

"Shit, Steve," Bucky breathed in awe. "I ever tell you how lucky you make me feel? How do you manage to bring out both the best and the worst in me at the same time?"

Steve laughed. "I guess that's one of my special talents."

"Damn right. Less clothes, now."

They both struggled to get out of their skin-tight clothes.

"Who's in charge of getting these things for us?" Bucky complained.

Steve was suspiciously silent at this.

Bucky was incredulous. "It was you?! What in the hell made you think skinny jeans were anything but a death trap? You perv, you got mine a size too small, didn't you?"

"Well, you can't argue we look bad in them. You need to show off those thighs, Buck."

Bucky grumbled a bit before rebutting, "We'd look good in potato sacks, Steve. This is excessive."

Steve shrugged and Bucky suddenly realized the blond was down to his boxer briefs.

"Are those-"

"No, of course not. What are you talking about?"

"They are. How did you find-?"

Steve scoffed. "You're still overdressed. Catch up, Barnes."

Bucky grinned wickedly. "I will if you tell me where you bought those skivvies. And where I can get matching ones."

Steve groaned petulantly. "Fine, I'll text you the link. Happy?"

"Very." Bucky peeled off his jeans to reveal plain black boxer briefs. He retrieved the lube from one pants pocket and after a moment's consideration, his phone from the other. Bucky tossed the latter to Steve. "Type in the link."

"You can't be serious. Right now?"

"Right now, Steve. I gotta see this."

Sounding like a broken record, Steve groaned yet again, but did as Bucky wanted. He handed back the device.

Bucky traded him for the lube, which made Steve happier. They both sat down on the mat and Bucky perused the Howling Commandos branded underwear. He snickered at the catchphrase "Don't go commando, go Commando." There was a pair of underwear in every style and size with one of the Howling Commandos' faces on each.

The phone was tossed aside in favor of getting closer when Steve pulled off his "Bucky Barnes" themed garment.

"I can't fucking believe you."

Steve glared at him and changed the subject. "Do you want to prep me, or should I do it?"

"If I do it, it'll be all tender and shit, and then it'll have been a waste to come down to the gym. But if you want that anyways, it's fine."

"I'll do it this time, then."

Steve coated damn near his whole hand in lube. Bucky was confused until Steve went all in with three fingers at once.

"Holy hell, Steve. Don't hurt yourself." He ran a hand down Steve's side.

Steve tried to reassure the brunet, but he choked on a moan when he found his prostate. "I'm good, Buck. Promise."

"You better be, Rogers." He kissed the naked man and traced the contours of his back. Bucky gripped an ass cheek and slid until he could touch Steve's rim, stretched around the fingers. When Bucky had deemed Steve was used to the three, he nudged one of his own alongside.

"Let me in, Stevie," he whispered.

Steve whimpered as he slipped his fingers free. He lifted a knee up to his chest and held it there to give Bucky more room.

"You sure, Steve? I warned you this would get sappy." He gently filled Steve with his fingers. Bucky scooted impossibly closer. He couldn't believe Steve was letting Bucky touch him like this.

"You can fuck me hard in a minute," Steve forced out between breathless moans.

"Shit. Yeah." Bucky petted Steve's prostate and drank in the sounds his every movement elicited.

"I'm good, Buck. Get on with it now. Wanna feel you in me." Bucky thought he could probably be hypnotized by the way Steve's pupils danced wider and narrower moment to moment. That's another weakness to keep away from HYDRA, he thought to himself with a snigger.

"What?" Steve demanded as Bucky lowered himself between Steve's legs.

"Just some dark humor." He didn't feel like going into it. Steve didn't need to feel any more protective or - Bucky shuddered to think it - be given any more material with which to tease him.

With a last good stretch to Steve's rim, Bucky took his fingers back and pulled his underwear off.

"Damn, I can't believe I still haven't touched your ass, yet," Steve lamented.

"I guess you'd better do something about that, Steve." Bucky himself could not do anything about it. He was preoccupied with finally sinking into his best friend. "I guess we'll be referring to each other as 'lover' instead of 'friend,' now."

Steve laughed and squeezed the ass he was now allowed to touch. "I hate to break it to you, pal, but I'm gonna keep calling you both, the way I always have."

Bucky sighed as he bottomed out. Then he registered what Steve had said. All was silent for a moment as he appreciated this man who was unconditionally sweet and unrepentantly teasing.

If not for their enhanced hearing, neither would have been able to hear the barely-there whisper that was seven decades late to the party.

"I love you, Steve."

Steve swiped at his suddenly-liquid eyes and laughed shakily. "Love you too. Now fuck me, Sergeant."

Bucky grinned and blinked away his own tears. "Sir, yes, sir."

The mischievous air caught, which meant trouble when it involved Steve. He clenched down tight on Bucky's cock and enjoyed the noises it pulled from the brunet. The faces he made weren't half-bad either, Steve reasoned.

"Oh god. Steve, you little shit. I haven't had sex in a long-ass time; you trying to finish me early?"

"I'll bet you can do better than a guy who's never had sex before."

Bucky lowered his forehead to Steve's chest. "Of course you haven't."

"Nope. I do masturbate a lot, though. Now that you're back, anyway."

"Fuck, Steve."

"That's what I'm trying to get you to do."

"Alright. You asked for it."

"Literally."

Steve didn't have even a moment to contemplate his verbal win. Bucky hitched the blond's legs up to his chest and used the leverage to piston fast and hard into Steve's prostate.

"God, Bucky! Yes! Fuck! Fuck me!"

Steve's eyes rolled up into his head and he let out a long moan. Bucky's grip traveled from Steve's legs to his wrists. For long minutes, Steve lived the fantasy of his best friend holding him down and fucking him good. Bucky alternated between kissing Steve and whispering in his ear how beautiful he looked or how good he was.

Steve found himself hefted upright so that he was looking down at Bucky, who shook his hair out of his face and continued at the exact same pace. Then, with a lurch, Bucky lifted up to his feet and aimed his steps for the nearest wall.

Steve's back smacked the reinforced metal. He tipped his head away and Bucky attacked his neck with lips and teeth. All Steve could do was clutch at Bucky anywhere his nails would reach.

"Close, Buck. Oh god." He felt the waves of heat sweep his body and pool in his groin.

Bucky bit an earlobe and asked, "You gonna come for me, Steve? Come on my cock?"

"Yes!" Steve gave a last scream of "Buck!" and came between them.

"Steve, oh god. Shit." Bucky followed over the precipice soon after. As he panted in the afterglow, Bucky registered the new areas on his body that radiated low-level heated pain. A glance at his flesh arm showed fingernail-shaped cuts in the skin.

"You have got a set of claws on you, sweetheart. I like it." Bucky grinned dopily at Steve.

Steve may have blushed. He was pretty sure he could blame any flushing on the sex, though.

Steve looked at Bucky through lowered eyelashes. If he hadn't been naked, held up to a wall by another equally-naked man, and still attached to said naked man by the dick, Steve's expression would have looked every inch the picture of purity.

Bucky laughed. "You've never fooled me with that look. I got news for ya: It still doesn't work on me."

Steve dropped the act and grinned back. "Oh, I'm starting to think it's always worked and you just pretended it didn't."

"I'm gonna deny that for the sake of my own sanity." Bucky stepped them away from the wall. He laughed.

"What now?"

Bucky turned around and gestured over his shoulder for Steve to look behind them.

"Oh my god. We broke the gym." There was a Steve-sized dent in the supposed strain-resistant wall.

"I try to be nice, but it never works out very well for me." Bucky continued walking until he reached their clothes again. He set Steve down and allowed them to separate, much to Steve's displeasure.

Bucky grabbed his underwear and wiped up as much of the mess as he could. He let Steve revel a little more in the afterglow and started getting dressed.

"Are you going commando, then?"

"Of course not, Steve. I'm going Commando."

"Thief!"


	3. This is Good. I Can Have This.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Bucky talks in therapy about dissociation from his memories (in particular, memories of participating in prostitution) and mentions memories of war and torture.

"JARVIS, is there some reason Bucky and I are not allowed to leave the gym?" Steve stood in front of the doors crossly with his hands on his hips.

_"Yes, Captain Rogers. I believe the cause to be a practical joke enacted by Miss Romanoff."_

"Oh my god, Talia, that was eight years ago!"

"What did you do this time, Buck? You were always getting in trouble with the ladies. I see that hasn't changed."

"For the love of - JARVIS, can you let us out?"

_"Unfortunately, I cannot, Sergeant Barnes."_

"Who the fuck can?"

_"I regret only a level seven agent can let you out."_

"Your SHIELD protocols are outdated, JARVIS!"

_"Yes, sir. I'm afraid so, sir. Mr. Stark assures me he means to change them soon."_

"That doesn't help us any now, JARVIS. Who the fuck is still around that has level seven clearance?"

_"Allow me to make some calls, gentlemen. Perhaps I can reach someone."_

Bucky glared at Steve. "If it turns out JARVIS can't free us, we'll figure out another way. Knowing Talia, I'm sure she has rigged an elaborate system by now to make us feel like rats in a lab trying to escape."

Steve glared right back. "I'd like to blame you for this, but I'll refrain judgement since I don't know the whole story."

"That's awfully nice of you. And not very in-character."

"Tell me what you did that she would lock us in a room with very few ways out - while we try to find them." Steve turned away to assess the other exit possibilities. The restrooms, he knew, were dead ends. The vents, on the other hand, might pan out.

"You probably already heard that she's an ex."

"Buck, when it comes to you, who isn't?"

"Shut up, Steve."

"So, bad break-up?"

"Talia dated the Winter Soldier. She was an asset to the asset. It's safe to assume shit went down when she found out I had no feelings at the time."

"Ouch. Poor Nat."

"Don't let her hear you say that, or we'll be in here even longer so she can spite you, too."

Steve boosted Bucky up to the ventilation shaft. With a flick of his wrist, Bucky produced a pocket knife from seemingly nowhere. He proceeded to unscrew the vent cover with it.

The cover clanged to the floor at Steve's feet. With effortless ease, Bucky disappeared into the void.

"You're turning me on with those skills, Buck."

"Save it for later, Rogers."

After a minute, voices floated from the vent.

"Sorry, man, Nat put me up to it."

"I will fight you, Barton."

A scuffling echoed back towards Steve. A resounding boom followed.

Moments later, a soot-blackened Bucky re-emerged.

Steve tried his damnedest not to crack up. "You lost?"

"He's got exploding arrows; excuse me if I don't put up much of a fight. I left all my own exploding arrows back in Yugoslavia."

JARVIS saved Steve from his increasingly slim hold on laughter.

_"Gentlemen, I've located someone to let you out of your predicament. He should arrive within the next five minutes. I did ask Mr. Stark if he could release you. He regrets he cannot."_

"Thank you, JARVIS."

_"You're welcome, Captain."_

"JARVIS, is there any way to make sure this agent isn't HYDRA?"

_"He has already been vetted to the highest clearance by Director Fury, Sergeant."_

"Good thinking, Buck."

The door opened five minutes later to reveal someone Bucky had no recollection of meeting before. He supposed that was good when it came to SHIELD agents.

"Captain." The man nodded to Steve. Apparently, they'd met. "Sergeant Barnes. I'm a huge fan."

"You're a fan of the century's greatest killing machine?" Bucky was instantly skeptical.

"No, I'm a fan of the 107th's greatest sniper, the guy who always made sure Captain America didn't rush into things without a solid plan, even before he was Captain America. It's an honor to meet you."

Steve, once again, had his cross expression back in place, complete with hands on hips. "You still got your trading cards, Coulson? And - more to the point - does anyone else know you're alive?"

Coulson sighed. "Yes, Steve. I had a meeting with everyone else. I hate knowing you're disappointed in me. By the look on your face, I know you're thinking about the last time we had a mission. I want you to know, I hate that I was part of the system that created the Winter Soldier. I'll never forgive myself for that." Coulson gave the two what eye contact he could manage under the weight of his guilt.

Steve nodded and walked off.

Coulson made to follow, but Bucky caught him by an arm.

"Hey - Coulson, was it?" Coulson nodded. "You've got top clearance and you're not HYDRA. That's good enough for me. I forgive easy. Steve? Not so much. People forget, he's not a shield and a theme song. He's human. He'd never let me hear the end of it if he found out, but that's what I love most about him." Bucky gave Coulson a parting pat on the shoulder and followed Steve out the door.

Bucky was unaware of the intense fangirling his little pep-talk had caused.

Dinner in Stark tower was different from day to day. Sometimes they would all gather for something resembling a family meal. Sometimes everyone ate separately. Sometimes people got wrapped up in projects and forgot to eat. Tonight was movie night, another one of Pepper's ideas.

The movie was always picked by JARVIS because for some reason, he knew how best to compromise on what people wanted to see.

Coulson joined them. They ordered different kinds of take-out and somewhere in there, Bucky was coerced into signing trading cards; the comic ones, where he was wearing the most absurd costume.

Steve and Bucky called it quits after the first movie, begging off on the pretext that it was their old-people bedtime.

Steve settled a hand on the back of Bucky's neck once they'd returned to their apartment. After a lingering kiss, he said, "Your turn, like I promised, Buck. How do you want it?"

"I, uh, I don't know." Bucky was trying to get better at this making decisions thing. It was difficult, especially when all the choices were equally appealing.

"Is there anything I shouldn't do?" Steve asked quietly.

"Maybe... let's save holding me down for another time? I'm not sure about that one."

"Absolutely. I'd only do something if you want it; if it made you happy." Steve was still unbearably quiet and intense.

"Yeah, alright," Bucky deflected. He was getting uncomfortable with Steve asking about his triggers. Bucky knew he'd probably have to bring it up in therapy so it wouldn't turn into a big deal. Awkward.

Thinking things like, "big deal," and "What if I flip out," wasn't getting Bucky where he wanted to be in his head. That was the opposite of what he wanted right now.

"I just - I don't fucking know, Steve. Shit. Sorry." He clutched at his hair, feeling a full-blown panic attack creep up on him.

"Hey, hey - Bucky, it's okay." Steve gently grasped the hyperventilating man's shoulders. "Look, what if you ride me? I can still fuck you, you can do as much or as little of the work as you want." This wasn't getting Steve anywhere. Bucky was too deep in his head.

"Breathe with me, Buck. In. Out." With effort, Bucky slowed his breath. The irony of their roles in the breathing exercise was not lost on him.

When Steve was satisfied Bucky was at least breathing slower, he continued. "You could ride me. That way, you get to move around more. I'm cool with it. How does that sound? Better, maybe? We don't even have to do anything today, or this week. You don't even have to bottom at all if you don't want to. We're in this together, is all that matters."

Bucky took one last measured breath and considered what Steve was saying. "Ride you."

"Yeah. What are your thoughts on that?"

Something was still off to Bucky. Nothing was sounding good right now. Damn PTSD, he lamented. A lifetime ago, Bucky knew he would have been ecstatic to do everything possible with Steve when sex was involved.

"What if I hurt you?" Bucky knew it was absurd. He had already nailed Steve to the wall. If anything, he knew he should worry about Steve hurting him. Little shit was still surprised at his serum strength sometimes.

Bucky knew this, but he couldn't not worry he'd lose control. He struggled to trust himself.

Steve also knew all this. Since the first time had caught them off guard and blew up into way more than either could handle, they'd gone through a better process for Bucky's self-doubt. When he was in this frame of mind for any reason, Steve was careful not to insist Bucky would never hurt him, or tell him he was being irrational.

Steve knew deep down that it wasn't irrational. There was always a risk when Bucky got lost in his head.

"You know what will happen if you do something you don't mean to. Remind me what I do when that happens, Buck." They'd found it helped to remind Bucky he wasn't the only person who could take action.

"You'll talk me down like you're doing now. And if I'm too deep, you'll call for backup. You won't let me get the upper hand. We fight hard and we're equally matched."

"Exactly. I promise I won't let you kill me, Buck." That had been their first fight since the end of their running. As soon as Bucky had registered he was allowed to have feelings, he vented all of them on Steve for giving up on fighting when he thought Bucky was never going to recognize him.

Steve's comeback of, "Well, it worked, didn't it," was not met kindly.

Bucky dragged himself back to the present. "Good."

Steve waited while Bucky processed everything.

"I don't think I can right now, but... Maybe later?" Bucky looked like he was beating himself up for turning down the opportunity. Steve wasn't about to let him.

"Absolutely. You're allowed to feel what you feel, Buck. You're not ready; that's fine. All I want - sappy as it is - is to spend time with you. Let's watch another movie. There's a lot of Disney to catch up on, still."

Bucky perked up at this. "Can we watch Finding Nemo, next? I heard it was really good."

The two spent the evening watching movies and sending their reactions to the mostly ex-Avengers' group chat. This somewhat spoiled their excuse of going to bed, but neither particularly cared. Steve couldn't stop smiling when Bucky fell asleep on his shoulder, just like he used to when they would stay up late listening to the radio in Brooklyn.

Bucky was grateful to wake up in his own bed with Steve wrapped octopus-like around him.

The only way this could feel better is if he was inside me, Bucky mused. Why the hell did that freak me out yesterday?

Bucky supposed he would have the opportunity to find out soon, as he had a therapy session with one of the vetted shrinks he was seeing, thanks to Pepper. When he had timidly approached Pepper Potts for the first time, Bucky hadn't been sure what to expect.

It wasn't the candid, sarcastic, and caring greeting she gave him all in one sentence. He knew instantly that they would get along.

This was why Pepper became the first person Bucky told that he wanted all the help he could get, from whoever would give it to him. She provided him with an array of services for trauma and PTSD.

"Why do I need more than one shrink? Not that I'm complaining," he'd responded.

"Complain all you like, James." That was another thing he liked about Pepper. She called him James like it was an important part of his name.

"But if you're actually curious," she waited for him to nod, "it's because different psychologists and psychiatrists are certified for different approaches to mental health."

Pepper clicked through different websites to show Bucky each option as she described them. "One will go straight for the physical and chemical side of things while another will let you talk to yourself the whole time with little input. Still others will ask you to make connections you may not think of on your own, or draw specifically on their college studies to give you insight on, scientifically, why humans do or think certain things."

Bucky was blown away by the variety. It was a little overwhelming.

"It doesn't have to be overwhelming." Bucky had noticed Pepper possessed a habit of mind-reading. "You can start with just one, one day a week. You can see different ones, still once a week. If you ever want to build up more sessions, all you have to do is ask each in person or call them to schedule more time. Don't worry about the cost. It's taken care of."

She stopped Bucky before he could open his mouth to protest. "You can ask me why some other time, but we have very good reasons. I'll send you these websites and you can decide what you want in your own time. Talk to Steve or Sam about it. Don't ask Nat. She's as bad as Tony. Won't even admit therapy is a legitimate practice."

Bucky did just that. He took his time perusing his options and asked Sam what he thought.

"Damn, if I could afford any of these people, I'd try it in a heartbeat," Sam had exclaimed when he scrolled through the sites.

That was enough for Bucky. He started out small, just sitting in on Sam's VA program. Then he scheduled an appointment with an eclectic emphasis psychologist. Now he was up to two sessions a week with different people, as well as the VA and regular exercise.

Bucky reluctantly left Steve with a kiss to his dark blond hair and commuted to his therapy session.

In the session, Bucky brought up his panic attack from the day before and the specialist helped him to go through the reasons it happened.

"Have you been intimate with men before, James?" Bucky was distracted by the way it was different to hear different people call him James.

He refocused on the initial question. "Not really. I, uh... I guess I maybe used to do a little prostitution a long time ago? But I don't really remember it. That's one of those dissociative things that I feel happened to someone else, like a lot of that stuff from back then. Then, I know in the war, being intimate was a way to stay sane surrounded by hell. Steve is my first boyfriend." He ran a hand through his hair.

"And have you ever experimented by yourself?"

"I - I guess not. Seventy years and I've never had anything in my ass. That's a mind-fuck and a half. You'd think I would have found time to try it by now."

"Not necessarily. You were a prisoner of war for most of that time. Perhaps that is yet another very valid reason for you to panic? We've talked extensively about the torture you went through. Your mind and body are unused to people showing you intimacy and kindness, James. That's not something to dismiss. Let's talk about how to remind yourself that receiving is good, just like accepting Steve's protection or using your breath to become centered."

Bucky used said breath technique now, and was praised for his effort.

"Good, James. I want you to think not about why you love Steve, but why you like him. What is it about Steve that makes you smile?"

"He's patient with me, when he understands what I'm thinking."

"What else?"

"He doesn't pressure me."

"That is excellent. Let's focus specifically on that. Why do you think Steve doesn't pressure you?"

The two solidified the way Bucky could remind himself to slowly start accepting that he can have meaningful intimacy. It wouldn't work immediately, and it wouldn't fix everything, but it was good. And Bucky would take all the good he could get. Sometimes it felt like he was reprogramming himself the way he wanted to be.

Bucky headed back to the apartment in a great mood. He heard the shower and smiled, imagining a wet, naked Steve.

Bucky crept to the door. Sometimes he had to be loud on purpose to remind himself he wasn't an assassin anymore, but it was as ingrained as breathing to walk silently. He was glad he had when he heard a muffled sob. Bucky realized he wouldn't have known anything was wrong if Steve thought he was there.

Bucky opened the door, making his presence known.

Steve startled, but tried to play it off. "B-Bucky. Hey. How was t-therapy?"

"I think I had a much better morning than you, sweetheart. Tell me what's wrong." Bucky stripped and plastered himself to Steve's back.

"N-nothing."

"Uh-huh. My ass. I'm just gonna keep pestering you about it all day until you're so fed up that you snap. It might as well be now so I have time to cheer you up after." Bucky kissed the back of his neck.

Steve gave a sigh that tore at Bucky's heart. "You weren't there. It's stupid, I know, but you weren't there and for a moment it was like you were still dead, or missing as the Winter Soldier. And I- I couldn't. I-"

Bucky kissed his neck again and just held Steve as he sobbed.

"I wasn't there when you woke up, Stevie?"

Steve nodded.

"Okay. We can fix that so it doesn't happen again. I'll wake you up before I have to leave. And I'll always come back. Do you know why you're feeling like this, Stevie?"

Steve shook his head.

"There's nothing wrong with you, Steve. You have PTSD. And you've been hiding it from me, haven't you?"

"D-don't want you to h-have to deal with my shit."

"And I don't want you to have to deal with my shit, either. You know I go to therapy and the VA. You should come with me and see what it's like. You don't have to say anything. Just come with and see. Can you do that for me, Steve?"

Steve nodded.

"I'm going again to a session in two days. You can go with and see what it's like for me. I'm a lot more open with the professionals now than I was at the beginning. It's been so helpful."

The water wouldn't get cold any time soon, and the Super-Soldiers wouldn't get pruny for about the same amount of time, but Bucky turned off the water and toweled Steve down before doing the same for himself.

The two had themselves a lazy day to combat Steve's melancholy. Bucky told Steve to be as clingy as he wanted. He had every right to be.

Steve took Bucky at his word. Apart from bathroom breaks, Steve kept in contact no matter what they were doing. When Bucky cooked them brunch, Steve blanketed the brunet with his slightly larger frame. When Bucky laid down on the couch and turned on a jazz station, Steve immediately laid on top of him, face hidden in Bucky's neck.

"Steve, am I remembering this right? This is a song we used to like, isn't it?"

Bucky felt Steve's smile, then heard it in his voice. "Yeah, Buck. Still like it?"

"Yeah. Any reason in particular it makes me feel like kissing you? Like, really strongly?"

"No clue, Buck. You can kiss me as much as you want." Steve leaned up for his kiss.

Right away, Bucky swept his tongue through the other man's mouth. He tightened his arms around Steve's back and hummed in contentment when it made Steve gasp.

Bucky let his head fall back to the sofa, but Steve followed with his lips. Steve was on top of him, kissing him and undulating his hips ever so slightly. It was intimate, Bucky realized.

"This is good," Bucky whispered between them. "I can have this. It's good."

"I'll give you anything you want, Buck. You know that," Steve replied to the rhetoric.

"Yeah," Bucky affirmed. "This right here, this is what I've always wanted out of life. This song -"

Steve drew back to meet his eyes.

"- we were drunk. We played cards. A stiff wind could make you flush, so you were bright red. I wanted to kiss you everywhere your skin had color. That happened to me."

Bucky could see Steve trying not to let the tears out.

"I almost can't believe how much I love you," Bucky finished.

"Fuck," Steve breathed. He collapsed back into Bucky. His shoulders shook silently and Bucky rubbed both hands up and down his back. Bucky reveled in finding a memory that seemed all his, like it really did happen to him.

They must have drifted off at some point. Bucky came back to himself when he felt Steve kissing his neck. He let a hand drift up onto Steve's head. The room was darkened in the twilight of the day.

"What say we have dinner, Stevie?"

"Is it evening already?"

"Yep. We had a nice long nap."

"Okay."

Dinner passed in the same intimate manner as their day. Bucky's room was closest to the bathroom, so after they had finished their nightly routines, they crashed in his bed again.

"Why are we still so tired? All we did was lie around all day," Steve mused.

"That's a side-effect of stresses we have, associated with PTSD. You're tired because of your panic attack and then the different unstable moods you experienced after. I'm tired because of my memory breakthrough and the emotions with that." Bucky kissed the back of Steve's hand.

"There's no one I'd rather go through this shit with, Buck."

"Same here, Stevie. Good night."


	4. What a Way to Go, Huh?

"Hey, Steve..."

Steve knew that tone of voice. That tone of voice meant trouble, because it indicated Bucky Barnes was about to ask Steve a favor. "...Yeah, Buck-?"

"So, you know how I've been working on receiving intimacy?"

If it was about this, Steve was in even worse trouble than he'd first thought. "...Yeah..."

"Well..."

Steve dug his nails into the arms of his chair to stop his head from spinning.

"Will you watch me masturbate?"

"Yes. God, yes. _Please_."

"I just - I think it'll help to try stuff myself, first. But I was thinking about going solo, and just- I want you to be there."

"What part of 'God, yes,' do you not understand, Barnes?"

"Not helping, Steve."

"How am I not helping? I literally just agreed to help."

"Shut up and come here."

Steve might have overturned the kitchen chair in his haste to enter his own bedroom.

"Do you often masturbate on my bed, Buck?"

Bucky scratched his head. "I think I used to. I can't really remember. Maybe I just wanted to, or dreamed about it, or something."

_"Oh god, Bucky."_

"Yeah, yeah. Like it wasn't the same for you."

Bucky sat Steve down in a chair at the end of the bed.

"You might have to strap me down to remind me I'm just watching." Steve was legitimately worried about messing up Bucky's plan because of his poor self-restraint.

Bucky regarded Steve with a calculating eye. "Do you want me to?"

Steve blushed bright crimson. He coughed and averted his eyes. "Maybe."

The grin that slowly spread over Bucky's face was nothing short of shark-like. "Anything else you want right now, Stevie?"

Steve shook his head.

Bucky knelt in front of him and grasped the blond's chin. "Then here's how this is gonna go: I'm going to tie you to this chair and you are not going to say a word while I have fun on your bed. Feel free to moan along with me, though, Steve. If you're a good boy, I'll finish you off and you can come on me. Sound good?"

Steve's mouth opened, but nothing came out. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Yeah, yes. S-sounds good. Real good, Buck."

"Good. Stay." Bucky left the room and returned quickly with a couple long lengths of rope. Steve was sure it was from another of the man's leftover assassin weapon-hoarding habits.

Bucky efficiently tied Steve to the chair - further proof it was an assassin thing.

"We both know this rope won't hold you if you don't want it to. Just let yourself enjoy the show."

"Okay, Bucky."

Bucky backed away and turned on some quiet music. He just needed something to fill the silence in case it felt awkward, but it performed a second service by giving him a chance to show Steve a strip tease.

Bucky slowly shrugged out of his clothing, one item at a time, until he was unzipping his jeans.

He was wearing teal lace panties.

Steve whimpered.

Bucky took a moment to admire the way Steve's muscles bulged as he fought to keep himself still.

"I got tired of society telling me what to do, down to the kind of underthings I'm allowed to wear. You like these, Steve? You can answer."

"Fuck, yes. You look incredible, Bucky. Wanna suck your cock through the lace."

"Another time, love. We'll do that another time." Bucky winked, then turned and bent over unnecessarily far to open the bedside table drawer.

Steve felt a line of drool escape the corner of his mouth.

Bucky found what he was looking for. He closed the drawer and made himself comfortable on Steve's bed.

"I can't imagine how much more intimate it will feel to experience foreplay with you, Steve." Bucky pinched his nipples. "To feel you touch my nipples." He smoothed his hands down his abdomen. "To feel you lick my happy trail." He fondled himself over the fabric. He let out a luxurious moan.

It seemed Bucky had lost his train of thought. Steve, however, could picture in vivid detail how he would touch Bucky to make him lose his mind even more effectively. He would kiss the man's lips, play with a nipple with one hand, and stroke Bucky's cock with the other.

Bucky himself was no longer doing this. He had snapped open the lube and was learning the texture of the lube between his fingers. Bucky sat up and met Steve's eyes.

"I've never done this before."

Steve moaned.

"Tell me what to do."

Steve closed his eyes to center himself and try not to think too much about how he was about to witness Bucky fucking himself for the first time.

Steve cleared his throat. "You've got a good amount of lube. Now you need to find a good position to finger yourself."

Bucky settled on something that combined a comfortable pose for him and good visibility for Steve. He bunched the underwear so he could wear them and finger himself at the same time.

"Then I just -?"

"Not the way I did it. Go slowly. A little bit at a time. And you have to relax. Don't force it."

Bucky tried to relax his body. He nudged the tip of one finger into his opening.

"You're doing great, Bucky. Resist the urge to take it back out. Just leave your finger until you relax enough to take more. Good, just like that. Oh god, you're gorgeous."

"It's in, Steve. Now what?"

"Fuck yourself on that finger for me, Bucky." Steve was hard as a rock.

Bucky moaned and began thrusting slowly forwards and back on his hand.

Steve moaned right along with him. "Is it getting easier?"

"Yeah. It's weird."

"Start stretching your rim with your finger. And feel around inside, to stretch the inside, too. It's gonna keep feeling weird for a while."

Steve talked Bucky into adding a second finger and searching for his prostate.

"You'll know when you find it."

Steve squeezed out tears of frustration when Bucky screamed in pleasure a moment later. "Steve, oh fuck, that's amazing. Oh, Steve-!"

"You can keep doing that now until you're done, or you can -" Steve cut off when Bucky's other hand scrambled on the bed and found a toy Steve recognized as a prostate massager. Bucky fumbled to coat it in lube and jam it up his ass as soon as possible.

Bucky flipped a switch and was immediately a whining, moaning mess. He yanked down the front of his panties and furiously jerked himself off.

Steve was losing his mind. He could never in his wildest daydreams have imagined he'd get to see this.

Bucky panted heavily on Steve's bed. His hair stuck to his head and neck in sweaty strands. His face was twisted in intense pleasure. His legs trembled and spasmed from hip to toe. His flesh hand closed around the sheets in a death grip. The metal one tirelessly stripped his dick. The teal panties were a tight line of color cutting into his hips and restricting his balls. The end of the vibrating prostate massager stuck out of his clenching ass.

Steve just about came when Bucky did, the vision before him was so hot. Bucky shouted Steve's name and writhed with sensation. Cum striped up his chest.

Bucky returned to his mind and switched off the toy before removing it. He looked over at Steve and noticed they were panting in tandem. He rolled off the bed and made his way over to the patient man. Bucky was tempted to see how far he could tease Steve, but knew neither of them were ready for anything that intense.

Without fanfare, he unzipped Steve and got his cock in hand. Bucky kept eye contact with Steve and gave the head a good thorough licking.

The sounds Steve made didn't seem human. They were ripped from his throat when Bucky wiped his own cum onto a hand and used it to jerk Steve off. He came incredibly fast. Bucky made sure some landed on his face, and he licked at the strand near his mouth.

"You're gonna kill me if we do more stuff like this, Bucky," Steve groaned as soon as he could speak.

"What a way to go, huh?"


	5. Operation: Relax Steve by Any Means Necessary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Mention of memory dissociation and also of traumatic memories that are remembered too well.

Steve was wound tighter than a drum. Bucky knew if Steve kept letting people beat on him the way things currently were, that he would break.

Steve was doing as well as could be expected with therapy. The man went in defensive and came out struggling. Bucky knew exactly how he was feeling.

It was counter-intuitive to them both to tell someone stuff that seemed obvious, like, "Everyone I knew is suddenly dead," "I don't like killing but I do it anyway," "I've been seriously injured more times than I could possibly try to count," and "It feels like my life is one war after another."

At this point in the process, Bucky knew Steve was carrying more stress just being told that those obvious things were stressing him out.

It was therefore Bucky's self-appointed duty to get Steve to relax more often and let go of the little things.

And he knew just how to do it.

***

It was obvious no one had bothered to try getting the gym wall fixed. In fact, there was a frame around the dent with an official-looking placard next to it reading, "Dinosaurs Making Love. Media: Lube, sweat, and old-people jizz. Artists: Steven G. Rogers and James B. Barnes."

"Really, Tony?"

"You make art in my gym, I put it on display. It's just logic, Capsicle."

Steve rolled his eyes.

"Also, I can't get the wall fixed. I'd have to replace the whole thing, since it's reinforced and not easy for us mere mortals to bend." He turned to face Steve. "Maybe you could be a pal and use Barnes to hammer it out from the other side."

Steve had an image to maintain as the leader of the mostly ex-Avengers. Currently, he was doing swell. He finished his set of obscenely heavy bench presses. He sat up and wiped his non-existent sweat away with a towel. He put on his stern parent expression. He opened his mouth.

Bucky came out of nowhere and planted a quick and filthy kiss on that open mouth, then breezed past to use a machine farther into the gym.

What was he doing again? Steve's train of thought had scattered. Bucky seemed to have made it his job in life to rid Steve of whatever thought was currently in his head. That included the stick-in-the-ass macho image he was trying to maintain.

Steve laid back down to continue, letting his thoughts go. He settled on a throwaway, "You can fuck off, Tony."

He didn't notice Tony's lightning-struck expression, but Bucky did.

***

"Steve, come cuddle with me," Bucky casually called out from in front of the TV in the Stark Tower living area.

Steve had every intention of flinging himself on top of the brunet, but paused when he saw Sam was sitting in the room, too.

"Don't mind me." Sam didn't bother to take his gaze away from the screen, which was set on the Sy-Fy channel.

Steve did mind. It was one thing to pretend like he was still a skinny little kid from Brooklyn when it was just Bucky. It was quite another to act childish in front of a teammate. He sat gingerly next to Bucky.

Bucky gave him an unimpressed look. Steve found himself with a lap full of ex-assassin in short order.

"It's okay, Steve. Sam isn't judging. He's happy that we have each other," Bucky whispered. "Let yourself have this. Let go."

Steve forced his body to relax. He tried to do that thing from therapy where he focused less on his thoughts and more on physical feelings. It was tough. His self-consciousness didn't want to be ignored. It insisted that Sam would think him an incapable leader if he showed vulnerability.

The physical feelings made a compelling point, though. Bucky was warm on top of him and his prickly stubble felt nice against Steve's neck. Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky and let his head drop to the shoulder in front of him. Steve took a breath. He let his shoulders drop when he let it out.

After a moment, Sam smiled and gave Bucky a thumbs up.

Steve had almost fallen asleep when he heard someone walk in.

Bucky felt him tense. Say one word to make him more uncomfortable and I will end you, Bucky told the newcomer in sign language. He made sure to keep his expression neutral.

Wouldn't dream of it, Clint returned.

Steve gave them a questioning look.

"Spy stuff."

"I saw you two talking about me. You're both in trouble," Natasha covered. She plopped down next to Steve and Bucky, taking a bite out of an apple.

"I love watching this show without hearing aids," Clint said, changing the subject. "It's way more fun to read their lips half the time and make up what's going on the other half of the time."

"That sounds hilarious," Sam interjected. "Show me." He muted the show and Clint began narrating for everyone.

Half an hour later, everyone was in tears from laughing so hard, Steve had melted into the cushions, and Bucky was satisfied with his teammates and with himself for a job well done.

***

Steve stepped into the shower, wishing the pounding water could ease some of his tension. Too many people had been in the gym today. Steve wasn't sure why it even mattered. He'd been fine other times when all the mostly ex-Avengers had worked out together.

"Is it too much to ask for some time to myself?" he raged.

"That's exactly what you need, Steve. A little vacation."

"Where the fuck did you come from, Bucky?!"

"Hello - assassin." He picked up the shampoo and used it as an excuse to give Steve a scalp massage.

"I thought I locked the door."

Bucky smirked. "You must not have locked it as well as you thought."

Steve gave a put-upon sigh.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"...No."

Bucky kissed Steve's shoulder. "Let me take care of you, pal. Sometimes I feel like that's the only worthwhile thing I'm good at."

Steve figured he could argue and make a big deal of it, but he decided to just take the coddling without trying to make Bucky acknowledge other things he could do. It wasn't that long ago Steve was mourning the loss of Bucky's incessant need to take care of him. It still caught him off guard whenever he realized he had it back.

"Okay."

Bucky continued to rub Steve down with soap. "So, you need a vacation. We could do some kinda honeymoon thing."

"That's a pretty weird proposal, Buck."

"Shut up. I'll make you cry when I really propose."

"Bucky..." Steve turned around. His eyes were wide. "Are you saying you want to marry me?"

Bucky pulled a face. "That wasn't obvious?"

Steve pulled him close and crushed the wind out of him.

"Hey, you're not allowed to cry yet, punk. That wasn't my actual proposal."

"I know," Steve managed to gasp.

"So you gotta save it for then and not do it now, okay? I'm trying to get you relaxed, not work you up even more."

Steve nodded, but couldn't find any words.

Bucky held Steve until he was ready to let go. Then he made Steve turn around again so Bucky could finish giving him a massage.

Steve sighed. "I love you, Buck."

"Love you too, Stevie."

***

Therapy was always hard to get through, but today was a doozy for Steve. He'd relived both Bucky's death and his rediscovery as the Winter Soldier. He figured - and Bucky agreed - that opening up about his experiences was harder for him because he didn't have the dissociation that Bucky had.

Steve had the opposite of dissociation. His super-fast-healing brain retained memories that he could access at will with crystal clear clarity.

If he did, it was like living them over again.

When he returned to Stark Tower, Steve was not in a good frame of mind. The psychologist had helped Steve through his inevitable panic attack and to verbalize his thoughts, then made him do the standard breathing exercise while affirming the good things he currently had in his life.

It wasn't enough. Steve needed Bucky. He fumbled his phone from his pocket.

To Buck: Where r u

To Buck: Need u

To Buck: Right now

From Buck: I'm here.

Bucky was waiting for him when Steve opened the door to the apartment. Steve fell into him and didn't stop shaking for over half an hour. At some point, they made their way to Steve's bed. Eventually, he spoke.

"I see you falling every time I so much as remember it happened. I should have jumped after you. I would have survived. I could have brought you back."

Bucky didn't say anything. He just kept holding Steve and rubbing a hand occasionally over his back.

"I can't get drunk. I tried, after you fell. Drank a whole bar all to myself. Threw the biggest fit when I realized none of it made a damn difference. You should have seen the state of the bar. You know when that happened, Buck?"

Steve pulled back to look at Bucky. The brunet was crying silently.

"That happened four years ago for me. And then I saw you again two years ago. I hadn't had time to grieve, and you were only the most notable person I lost. I lost all the same people as you did from back then, and it doesn't seem real that they're gone. It doesn't seem real that seventy years have gone by. They haven't for me. I'm still only 29, Buck."

Bucky's eyes fluttered closed in pain. He brought Steve's head close and kissed him between the eyes.

"Do you want to forget for a little while?" Bucky offered softly.

Steve nodded.

"Let me take care of you."

"Yeah."

Bucky moved over on top of him. He drew a hand slowly down Steve's face. "We're really gonna make love this time, Stevie, so you can only focus on how close I am."

Steve sighed. "I'd like that."

Bucky took his time undressing them both. With every piece of clothing he removed from either of them, he comforted Steve.

"I'll always be here."

"I'm glad we live in a world that lets us love each other, now."

"You will wake up to see my face every time we've gone to sleep together."

"There's no one in this whole wide world I'd rather have than you."

Steve let himself float on the tide of love surrounding him. He felt tears escape. They were good. He needed them. Steve was jolted from his reverie by the feeling of Bucky's naked body sliding along his. He reached up for a kiss.

Bucky cradled his head and obliged. He'd intended to spend long, uncounted minutes cherishing Steve by worshiping his body. This plan soon took a detour. Bucky kissed down Steve's neck and sucked on a nipple, which caused Steve to give a surprised yell and arch up towards Bucky. Steve, apparently, had hypersensitive erogenous zones because of the serum, but had never bothered to play with them.

"Why the fuck not? I can already tell it's great for you." Bucky was perplexed.

"It's not the same when I'm by myself," Steve whined.

Bucky grinned. "Oh, Steve," he crooned, deceptively sweet. "Are you saying I get to touch more of you than even you do?"

"Why does that shock you, Bucky? Everything is always better with you. Get on with it."

"My, my, you're impatient. How impatient would you get if I just played with your nipples for an hour?"

"Don't you dare tease me, Barnes."

"Or what, Rogers?" Steve didn't answer. "See, I've got this crazy notion you'd let me do anything I want to you. Anything at all."

Steve remained silent.

"We've already been over the negative side of this predilection, but until now, I wasn't aware there was much of a good side to it." Bucky's grin widened dangerously. "I'm so glad you've told me there is, Steve. It was very generous of you to share that about yourself."

Steve groaned. Bucky laughed.

Bucky had a tendency towards thorough efficiency, and both knew he was about to use that mindset to find every sensitive area on Steve's body to exploit them. He initiated his strategy by continuing to suck on Steve's nipple and letting his hands wander to other places that might be fun to tease.

Steve tried several times to stop the whimpers and whines that continually escaped him. Every time he thought he could make himself shut up, Bucky would add teeth into the mix. Steve got the message and eventually stopped trying to be quiet.

"That's not-" Steve gasped at the sharp pinch to his inner thigh, "-fighting fair."

Bucky released Steve's shining, puffy nipple. "I want you to go insane from the things I do to you. You think I'll accomplish that by fighting fair?"

It was clear Bucky wasn't waiting for an answer, since he switched over to sucking Steve's other nipple right away. His hands continued their exploring as well.

Steve's sides and thighs turned out to be sensitive, but those were the only places Bucky had anticipated it. Letting his hands drift up Steve's sides, Bucky accidentally got a bit close to Steve's armpits.

"Sorry," he said, remembering for some reason that Steve hated to be tickled.

Steve laughed, breathless. "No," he said. "I can't believe you remember that. I almost forgot about it."

Bucky pulled back to look at him.

"I told you never to tickle me because it would turn me on. No idea why - but I didn't need to be more turned on around you than I already was. Anywhere most people are ticklish, just treat it like an erogenous zone on me."

"So, you like it when I do this-?" Bucky asked, letting his fingertips trail lightly over Steve's ribs, across his armpits, and up his arms to rest heavily on his wrists.

"Yeah," Steve breathed.

Bucky nosed behind Steve's ear and remembered their dicks could be touching while he did this. He ground his hips down onto Steve's. They savored the feeling together for several seconds before Bucky released Steve's wrists.

"You can touch me, too, Steve. I need it as much as you do. It's good to accept intimacy from you. I need to do that. I want to. For both of us."

Steve had been itching to get his hands on his best friend. With the clear permission, he gave back as good as he got.

Steve turned them onto their sides for better leverage and propped himself up on one arm. With the other hand, he quested over Bucky's torso to find a nipple. He leaned their foreheads together and let their lips touch.

"You're amazing," Steve told him.

"Sure I am; it got me you, didn't it?"

"Sap."

"Takes one to know one, pal."

"That's it - I'm shutting you up." Steve diverted the rest of his energy towards kissing and stroking his best friend anywhere he could reach. Steve was nothing if not a strategist, and soon enough, he came up with a brilliant plan, if he did say so himself.

"Turn around; face away from me."

Bucky gave him a weird look, but did as requested anyway.

Steve eliminated the little space between them and slid his arms around Bucky's torso. He fitted one of his legs between Bucky's. Kissing a line up Bucky's neck, Steve explained, "You've always had this need to take care of me. What I need right now is to make you feel loved. Can I finger you, Buck? You can say no."

Bucky shivered. "I want that."

Steve rolled away to get the lube from his bedside table. He kept a little space between them when he rolled back, but he used his unoccupied hand to slowly stroke Bucky's cock.

"Oh, fuck, Steve."

"I know, right? We should have been jerking each other off years ago." He kissed Bucky behind the ear.

At the same slow pace as the one hand, Steve inserted a finger in Bucky's ass.

"Steve."

Steve chuckled. He twisted and twirled his finger until he thought Bucky was ready for another one. Bucky mewled at the sensation. Steve thought maybe he had been fingering himself more, because it didn't take quite as long as the first time, when Steve had walked him through it. Steve made sure to brush over Bucky's prostate occasionally as he stretched him, and his hand didn't stop moving over Bucky's dick.

"Do you want to try another finger?" Steve quietly suggested after a few minutes.

"God, yes. Please."

Steve kissed him again and gave it to him. Bucky panted at the intense feeling. Steve searched out his prostate and pressed there relentlessly. Bucky cried out and began shouting in another language. Steve thought it sounded like Romanian.

Steve sped up his other hand and used his fingers in Bucky's ass to pulse a hard rhythm on his prostate.

"Fuck me, Steve. Please, fuck me!"

"Yeah, you want that right now? Ya sure, Buck?"

"Yes! Get in me, Steve. Now!"

Steve hastily coated his dick in more lube and inch by inch, slid inside. They moaned long and low in one voice when Steve was completely seated.

Steve kissed along the underside of Bucky's jaw. He slowed down his hand on the other man's cock.

After a minute, Bucky told him in a small voice, "This is amazing, Stevie."

"Yeah, it is," Steve replied in the same manner.

"I can't believe I waited so long to ask for this," Bucky marveled. He settled a hand on Steve's hip.

Steve gave a strangled, "It's fine," when Bucky tested a bit of movement.

Bucky turned his head to lock eyes with the blond. "Make love to me now, Steve."

Steve shuddered. He nodded and smoothly withdrew to just the head. He gently thrust back in the same way. Bucky met him stroke for stroke with the limited movement he had. Steve continued the slow jacking he'd maintained throughout. He whispered in Bucky's ear, "Come on, Buck. Come for me. Come with me inside you and my hand stroking you off. Think of all the times we both imagined this and wished for it. We're finally here. It's so good. You can have this. I can have this. We get to do this together."

"Fuck, Steve," Bucky whispered, "god - oh fuck, Steve-!" His body tensed and he clamped down on the dick in his ass as he came.

Steve only needed a few more thrusts in that tight heat, with Bucky moaning his name, to come, too.

The two lay together, catching their breath and feeling the connection they'd always had strengthen impossibly more from the slow, meaningful experience.

They drifted to sleep with "I love you"s on the air between them.


	6. Steve Needs a Vacation

Bucky had been lounging around in khaki shorts, flip-flops, sunglasses, and a different Hawaiian shirt every day for weeks.

Tony had taken to calling him the Summer Soldier.

Steve just rolled his eyes every time. "Buck," he finally said, exasperated, "a vacation is a good idea, but when exactly are we going to get the time? We're the earth's first and best defense against aliens and terrorists. If we go on vacation, we'll come back to a crater where Stark Tower used to be."

"You and I are an important part of the team," Bucky conceded, "but we're not the whole team." Bucky struggled to get Steve to see what he saw. He knew the man was wrapped up in his role as the leader. He was too preoccupied with the title of Captain America.

He snapped his fingers. A brainwave had hit him. "Tell me the names of everyone on the team. I know you know them all."

"Tony." Steve had good reason to say it so skeptically. He and Tony were still on uneven footing around each other.

Bucky rolled his eyes. "That's right. How can anyone forget the man that has single-handedly saved the world more times than his ADHD will let him remember and his ego will never let him forget? Not to mention his many inventions that now help civilians to protect themselves or call for help. And also my new arm, although I think Pepper made him do it. Keep going."

"Pepper," Steve repeated. His demeanor did a 180, eyes crinkling in a smile.

"We would all be dead without her. I'll never be able to thank her enough for what she's personally done for me. She's this century's Peggy."

"Natasha."

"She's capable, Steve. On her own. For anything. Just trust me on that."

"Clint."

"I make fun of his arrows a lot, but the dude holds his own against me when he's got em. Can't argue that."

"Bruce."

"I wasn't there when that shit with Ultron went down, but I hear he and Tony make a hell of a mad scientist team. And I haven't even seen him angry. I like it when he explains science stuff to me. Tony isn't patient enough."

"Thor."

"You two train together, you have this secret bro code that you don't even have with me - not that I want to go back to being bros. Just saying, you know exactly how well Thor can handle it all. Except when it comes to that brother of his, but that's what the rest of the team is for."

"Sam." Steve hated that he said it so timidly. Sam wasn't breakable, but sometimes Steve compared him too much to the other genetically modified members of the team.

"He told me himself, he does what you do - just slower. I believe him."

"Wanda." Bucky was proud to see Steve list Wanda so confidently.

"I wasn't in on her evil mind-bending episode before she joined you, but she scares the shit outta me."

"Vision."

"I've seen that guy hold the hammer. That doesn't convince you?"

"Maria."

"She also scares me, but I'm not sure why. I guess we'll find out eventually."

"Fury."

"The man is badass. I've fought with him before. I know you don't like being reminded that people knew me as the Winter Soldier, but he was one of the only people I went through at SHIELD who made sure I killed the real bad guys and no one else. I trust him with my life. That makes him one of two people I would ever say that about."

"T'challa."

"Make that three people."

"Ant-Man."

"To be honest, the only thing I know about him is that he either gets real big or real small. Handy dude."

"Spiderman." Steve smiled fondly.

"That fuckin' punk kid caught my metal arm when I tried to punch him. He caught that fucking heavy-ass HYDRA monstrosity, Steve. And he webbed up both me and Sam til we couldn't move." A frustrated Bucky was an adorable Bucky, in Steve's opinion.

"Coulson." Steve frowned, already anticipating what Bucky would say.

"You don't give the guy enough credit. He grew up wanting to be you. He succeeded. You should tell him that sometime." Steve and Bucky had argued about Coulson before. Bucky insisted that Steve was aiming his hatred for HYDRA at an innocent target when he acted cold to Coulson. Steve thought maybe Bucky had a point, but he didn't know how to stop doing it.

"Coulson's team," Steve got off the subject of Coulson so they wouldn't fight about him again.

"Coulson has a team? I gotta meet 'em."

"They're pretty cool. They have more scientists and more enhanced people. And May is there."

Bucky had heard all about the woman that trained Steve after he came out of the ice. Bucky had tremendous respect for this woman he'd never even met. She had done right by Steve.

"I also heard about this Deadpool guy. Not sure what his deal is, but apparently he and Spiderman are like frienemies or something?"

Bucky's phone buzzed in his pocket.

Unknown number: Steve thinks I'm an Avenger?

Unknown number: Do I get my own room in the tower?

"How the fuck did he get my number? Does he have powers? How does he know what you said? The hell?"

"Like I said, not sure what his deal is."

Unknown number: Just your friendly neighborhood merc.

"He says he's a mercenary with morals."

Steve shrugged.

Bucky added the number to his contacts and put his phone back in his pocket.

"Steve-"

Steve braced for the verbal lashing he was about to receive.

"-do you honestly think any of these highly capable people will let the world go fuck itself if we take a week to ourselves?"

Steve ran a hand through his hair. He blew out a heavy sigh. "Let me get used to the idea. It won't be a vacation if I'm constantly thinking about getting back."

Bucky grinned. "That's my Stevie."

"Yeah, yeah. Yuk it up. It's just that I'm so used to fighting my life, I guess I don't know how to enjoy it." Steve scrubbed his hands over his face.

It occurred to Bucky that Steve wasn't just talking about war, HYDRA, and the threats they faced with the Avengers. Steve was talking about growing up poor, constantly sick, and in the closet. The good times in his life were few and far between. He could probably count them on his fingers.

"Maybe that's something to bring up in therapy?" Bucky hesitantly encouraged.

"I guess so. How come I got so much in my life that's fucked up? I'm supposed to be this perfect soldier." An echo of those words rang in Steve's head.

Not a perfect soldier, but a good man.

Maybe Steve wasn't supposed to be perfect. Just good. That was definitely something else to talk about in therapy.

"So was I, Steve. Even before HYDRA. I had shell-shock from sniping before I was a POW." Steve was taken aback. He hadn't thought of that.

"Everyone did," Bucky continued. "We're lucky we live in a world that encourages us to process it now. Can you imagine if we'd been veterans back then, what our retirement would be like? There was no such thing as personal psychologists and we couldn't have afforded it if there was. We wouldn't have been able to tell anyone we loved each other. You probably would have married Peggy, since you liked her alright."

Steve was about to protest, Bucky could tell. He held up a hand. "I did some thinking, though, and you had plenty of chances to dance with that gal. She asked you over and over. Funny how the one girl that actually had a chance to get with you never did."

A blush started to creep up Steve's neck.

Bucky knew he was on the right track. "Then I said to myself, 'What was holding Steve back? He flirted with her plenty... Or did he?' I got a lot of my memories tucked away in here." He tapped his temple. "More than you'd expect. And something I noticed from my dissociative point of view is that the same flirting I saw with Peggy was way more common for you to aim at me. Before the war."

Bucky took a step closer. "During."

He stepped into Steve's space. "After."

Bucky paused for effect. Steve's pupils widened the closer Bucky got.

"Peggy was a nice gal. She appreciated you the way I did, before the serum. She knew you were just getting the body to match your personality."

Bucky brushed his lips to Steve's. "You liked her okay. But she wasn't me."

Steve's face glowed pink at being found out.

"You weren't just trying to tease me with that remark on TV. You are bisexual, but you've always been mostly me-sexual." Bucky smirked.

Steve grinned, embarrassed, and shoved at Bucky's chest. "Shut up, jerk."

Bucky gasped at where his thoughts had gone. "Oh my god, Steve - Steve. Puberty; did you learn to jack off thinking about m-"

"And that's about as much as I can take of that. See you later, Bucky. I gotta go warn people I'm going on vacation soon." Steve abruptly turned and scuttled out the door.

With difficulty, Bucky paused his uncontrollable laughter to yell after him, "Love you, punk!"

"Love you too, jerk!"

***

Steve was worried by the underwhelming reactions he received to the announcement that he was going on vacation.

"I'm taking a break from the job," he warned multiple times. "I won't be available if something happens."

"Glad to know you have so much faith in us," Sam responded, rolling his eyes.

"It's not that I don't have faith in you; it's just-"

"You don't know how to turn off," Natasha interrupted. "I know the feeling. Go figure out how and report back."

"It's most likely all that will happen is Tony burning down the house," Clint added his two cents. "But that's his problem."

"Hey, I represent that," Tony called back from the next room.

Bruce tacked on an, "I'll make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."

"Remember how well that worked with Ultron?" Steve scolded.

"But that was a team effort in stupidity," Wanda wryly contradicted. "This time if that kind of thing occurs, I will be on the correct side from the start."

"What about aliens, or the Tesseract?" Steve was clinging to his arguments by a thread.

"Thor and I have several strategies for those eventualities," Vision piped up as he floated into the room through the wall.

"Fine! Fine. It's not a big deal if I'm not here for a few days." Steve used the breathing exercise from therapy and consciously unclenched his fists.

"Absolutely. Get out of here, Steve. When was the last time you took a day off?" Sam asked. Everyone's eyes were on Steve, waiting to see what he'd say.

"I can answer that," said a new voice in the conversation. Steve tensed, ready to fight. At the next words, however, all the energy drained out of him. "Steve Rogers has never taken a day off in his life; not because he hasn't wanted to or because he values the job so much - but because he's never been allowed to before."

Steve had never felt so grateful for Phil Coulson. He saw understanding and a twin tiredness in the man's kind eyes. "You've been so essential to the government that, until the Sokovia Accords, it was never even an option to pick anyone else as the leader for an op."

Moment by moment, Steve felt a deep validation for his service suffuse him.

"I know that everything hit the fan for you all at once at that time, Steve - but when I read in the paper that you hadn't signed the accords, I'd never been more proud to call you my hero. Why should we answer to more people that could be infiltrated at any moment? The best hands really are still our own."

Steve was pretty sure he'd stopped breathing. If he still believed in God, and sometimes he thought he did, Steve figured this was as much a sign as anything.

"Anyway, there is a mission - which you are exempt from, Steve. Your vacation starts now. Take as long as you'd like. Much like your salary, you've got seventy years of backlog."

Steve sat in on the briefing anyway, promising, whenever prompted, that he wouldn't get involved. As his teammates began to scatter afterward, Steve pulled Phil aside.

"I owe you an apology, Phil. I've been putting more on you than you deserve. I've been so wrapped up in myself that I haven't seen how hard you work at making things right. I'm sorry for overlooking that. You grew up wanting to be me, and you succeeded."

The crows' feet around Phil's eyes deepened with warmth. "Why do I get the feeling that sounds like something Sergeant Barnes would say?"

"Yeah, well, he's right about most things. He's right about you, too, Phil. I really appreciate you."

"That means a lot to hear, Steve."

Steve smiled timidly.

"I heard about the therapy. It sounds like a good idea; I might try it myself," Phil said.

"It's the hardest thing I've ever done. Bucky is a lot farther along than me, so sometimes it's easier for him. I think he'd actually like to gossip with you about me, sometime." Steve smirked. "You two could get matching Captain America Fan Club shirts. Get me one, too. I'm not as conceited as Tony, but I'm close."

Phil laughed. "I'll do that, Steve."

"If you don't, I'll just steal Bucky's."

Phil couldn't remember the last time he'd laughed so hard, or so freely.

Bucky picked that moment to join them. "I'm glad you're finally getting along. What's so funny?"

"Just telling Phil about my terrible shirt stealing habit." Steve winked.

"You're the one that stole all my shirts?!" Bucky groaned. "I should have known. What, should I just walk around naked? Would that make you happy, punk? Huh?"

Phil and Steve were giggling and falling over each other.

"Naked," Steve gasped into Phil's shoulder.

"I will, too. I've got no body issues to speak of. I might even get some hilarious reactions. Thanks for the idea." Bucky walked back in the direction he'd come from.

After Phil and Steve had caught their breath, Phil said, "He's kidding, right?"

"I don't think so. It'll be very distracting if he does. Good thing I'm on vacation." Steve clapped Phil on the back and followed his best friend.

Not for the first time, Phil considered the pros and cons of dabbling in slash fiction. Smiling to himself, he shook his head and resisted the urge.

**Author's Note:**

> [My YouTube Channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnTcO921RLNZVxTYOWVq5Lg)  
>  Lookie what I did!


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